This text comes from an experience that Becca Gresham-Kesner had at an Intro to Worship class. I was moved by it and asked her permission to post it here. Thank you Becca. Below is her blog address for you to visit.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
For the second week in a row I felt tears well up in my eyes in my Intro to Worship class. Tonight was the first time I have felt like I was learning to be a Pastor. Practical stuff that I will take with me into what ever field it is I end up in. We were talking about poetry, theology and the mix of the two which seems to take the form of worship. We were talking and watching videos. Then we had colorful sheets of paper and we had to write “I Am…” filling in the blank with what we are in worship. About half way through our Professor turned the lights off! We thought it was a mistake because we couldn’t see. He said NO! Keep on writing sometimes you are going to have to keep on going and you won’t know what to do. (This is a very loose paraphrase, I kind of wish I could have taped the whole thing so I could remember the words now.) Then in the dark we made a path of words on pages. Then in the dark we crawled around on our hands and knees and struggled to read what everyone had written.
I don’t know crawling around on the floor in the dark desperately trying to “hear” my classmates, God was there in that moment. I felt like I was being prepared for the call I still don’t entirely understand. Then someone said the words make it real which is funny because I said that exact phrase in Spiritual Direction recently. I am taking notice of that.
I wonder what does all this mean? I think it says something about how I learn. I think it says something about the experiences I long to encounter. I think it speaks to my desire to get to really know my classmates. I think that desire to know links somewhere to a deep hidden desire to be known.
I wish we had the opportunity to take course work where we took retreats and really made space for God and each other. Honestly, I need to crawl around on the floor in the dark more. I need to hear my friends. Maybe I even need to say something.
Today I am grateful for the opportunity to learn in a way that speaks to me.