Today again, I’m speechless.
Your love for me has always been magical and it seems that your wings of love both protect me and make me fly to worlds where I am terrified. On these trips you teach me to open my eyes and see what I don’t want to see and makes me feel the gravity of the height in the security of your wings. Flying on your wings is like seeing the world in 80 days with your songs and the fulness of your life.
Your presence in my life is like birds with stretched wings, like a Tuiuiu in the wetlands, an eagle flying in the Grand Canyon, a condor celebrating life within the Atlantic Forest, a seagull flying over the Brazilian beaches of my dreams.
Your presence draws close without asking or giving any warning, sometimes with a kindness that I had not known before, but sometimes you come in breaking all the locks of my heart and latches on all my fears giving me this serenity I thought it never existed. In any way or form, your presence arrives and sits near me. You listen, you look, and you caress me with gestures of love, kindness and lightness. Your hands hold my face and make me look me up and tells me, yes, I can! You make me smile and all of sudden, all succumbs from the slightest movement of your eyes.
Yes, your love is magical and I am lost for words to describe this thing, this moment, this strange moment. Michael Jackson comes to my rescue and translates what I cannot. I turn to all directions and you’re there. And I do not know if I speak of you or of God, or if you’re God’s presence, if the absent presence of God is like your absent presence.
My brokenness, my hazy memories, inconsistent and faulty actions, my difficulty in letting things go, and my concerns of diving into the waters of my baptism renewal, all of it falls apart and reassembles itself when the anamnesis (memory) of your presence in my life, the smell of your embrace, and the smile on your face somewhat comes fully to me again. Remembering who you were, what you are and will always be makes me strong.
This morning I’m speechless. When I’m with you the world gets wrapped up in gold and I turn, just by the sheer sake of your love, your golden boy. And so, it seems, that I live in the apple of your eye, and there you give me the full measure of myself. There, where only you know how to see me and love me, there, in the apple of your honey colored eyes, I’m whole, without brokenness, without fears and with a past, present and future that I remember, I live and I hope.
Your presence is a grace where I am deeply honored, and everything that I call human in me is honored. Your grace rescue me even from things I didn’t know I had lost. I am humbled by your grace and with you, I continue to learn to love.
Gosh dad, you made me lose the words. My love to you!